Thorin Oakenshield, sp/sx 8

About Thorin...

Thorin II Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, is the man deuteragonist in The Hobbit, though to me, he's really more of the main character, for entirely objective and non-biased reasons of course!
Hailing from the line of Durin, Thorin was raised to be the next King of Erebor, likely spending less time sparring and causing mischief with his brother, Frerin, and his sister, Dis, and more time in a study, learning the ins and outs of dwarven royal politics. Of course, that changes when the dragon Smaug sacks Erebor, and he loses everything. He takes the stand in leading what remains of his people to safety, and after being brushed off by the elves, he spends his years brewing in hatred for them, and sorrow for his people. After a lifetime of fighting, he finally gets his chance to reclaim his homeland, and forms a company of dwarves, and one hobbit.
Thorin's story doesn't get any easier between the sacking of Erebor and the moment "The Hobbit" begins, it only gets worse. Thorin wasn't born as Thorin II Oakenshield, he earned that name in battle. After a clash with the orcs, in which he watched the beheading of his grandfather, Thorin threw himself into combat with the Pale Orc, Azog. Nearly losing his life, Thorin's shield is shattered, and in a flash, he manages to haul up the branch of an oak tree to save his own life, and cut off Azog's arm. Hence, "Oakenshield". Thorin's grief doesn't end here - his father has vanished, and in the chaos, he's now King, with no kingdom.
Not that much is known about his personal life, aside from the fact that at one point between the sacking of Erebor and the start of the quest, his sister, Dis, has her sons Fili and Kili. Having never married or fathered any children, it's strongly implied that Thorin treats them like his own, especially considering that their father is out of the picture, and likely dead. (We also know nothing of Thorin's mother, who is dead before the canon begins. I personally headcanon this as some sort of illness, though others have mentioned potentially dying in childbirth or battle.) I personally like this interpretation of Thorin being a father to his nephews, but with some strain. After all, he has a people to lead and a homeland to reclaim, and I personally believe that he wouldn't be able to really let his guard down around his family for a long time, despite Fili and Kili being literal children. He's had to push away the love-abundant part of himself, and bury it. Still, he's not cold. Both brothers reminisce on how Thorin raised them on tales of the mountain, and as Richard Armitage said in an interview, "they've never fought against a dragon or seen Durin's homeland after his people were chased away, but he's indulgent with them." He sees their innocence and doesn't stamp it out, like his had to be, instead he lets it be and allows his nephews to grow as boys should. I'm gonna go cry now, brb!
Anyway. I find Thorin's whole story just so fucking sad, because his whole life is one expectation after another, and with every new weight on his shoulders comes more fear. Thorin is scared, and he's scared all the time! As a self-preservation eight, he's focused on survival, what he needs and what his closest companions need, setting up walls before any possible allies to guarantee that nothing will attack him in the night. His entire life he's had to look over his shoulder and never get too comfortable, because everything that he's built up for himself and his people could be swept out from under him in just the blink of an eye. Despite all his fear, Thorin doesn't really show it to the outside world. He has a few scenes in the films that are horrible to watch, like when the company is at Rivendell and he overheards Elrond and Gandalf discussing his hereditary mental illnes...qwq. BUT! His fear manifests more as anger, as aggression and drive, he's always moving, always alert, never surprised or taken advantage of because he can't afford to let that happen. Most would say that he's gruff and kind of an asshole, I find it endearing. God forbid I find it attractive when he yells and growls and snarls at people! Boygirls can't do anything...He barrels through life because he has no other choice, and he's just so big, and strong, and...This man has never had a rest and relaxation day in his entire life!!! If he doesn't gain his people's safety and homeland, he's nothing, and I haven't even gotten into Dragon Sickness yet. Yeah. The generational mental illness that drives you mad and power hungry, willing to sacrifice anything to ensure that your riches are protected? The disease that he nearly lost both his grandfather and father to, only for them to be taken from him in different ways? The disease that he knows is coming for him, because while he is not his father, he is his father's son. Not only is Thorin wary for any outside dangers, he also has to live with the fact that he is a danger to those he cares most for, the people he is supposed to protect. God damn it, why should he have to consider the rest of the world instead of his people and his family? He's lost everything, and yet he is villainized as greedy and cruel, and then he does in fact fall under the curse of Dragon Sickness. He's spent his whole life protecting them, and now they ask for more of him? They fear him, like they do Smaug. His life is such a fuck.
After the Battle of Five Armies, in which the orcs are defeated as usual and Thorin and his nephews DO SURVIVE, thank you very much, I believe that a lot of Thorin's recovery would be steeped in shame and anger. Now bedridden after nearly losing his life, he is informed about the going-ons of Erebor from his bedside, a King who cannot even rule, one who nearly jeopardized his people over the question of gold. He is not fit to rule, and certainly not fit to live after displaying such weakness. It would take Thorin a much longer time to recover mentally than physically, if only there was someone at his side to help him...Anyway! It takes time but he does recover, although mental health is never a linear battle. Even if it takes a few years, the version of Thorin that reigns over Erebor is not like his father, nor his grandfather, but purely like himself. Damaged and traumatized, of course, but still an advocate for the underdog despite the circumstances he went through. His grief, and unconscious desire for revenge, are not snuffed but burn down until he can begin to feel whole, and safe. ensuring the wealth and security of his people. A healthy eight - a rare sight in these trying times.

About Us...

Thorin is like...my everything. Gushy introduction, I know, but he literally is. He's been part of my life for years, even when I didn't fully realize it yet. While I first watched the Jackson trilogy with my mom in 2015, as a child, I don't count that in our history because literally all I remember is sitting with her on the couch, watching Thorin die at the end of BOTFA, and thinking "Damn rip!". When I actually became obsessed with him, (not in love, as I didn't realize it then and was still a b*gginshield fan because I was projecting BIG TIME.), which was sometime in the spring of 2022. It's been (at least) three years since I've fallen in love! Our anniversary is August 18, 2023, and we were married on December 28 of that same year :)
Our relationship has changed quite a bit as I've matured and come to better understand myself. I originally made my self-insert an elf, and I was still perceiving myself as an enneagram three at the time. Threes and Eights are a firecracker combo. I wish them well, and I am very glad that it is not our truth. Our dynamic at the time was a lot more angsty, especially because I was also going through a lot. Thorin was my outlet for my pain, and still is a huge source of comfort even if things are better now. After I found myself in a better place, but before I realized I was a type five, I changed my self-insert to be a hobbit, and our dynamic became much calmer, though still with a healthy dose of drama, obviously. I won't go on for too long about the AU, but in this case, I'm Bilbo's cousin, and go in his place on the journey (or we both go, so that he gets the One Ring, or something. I haven't entirely decided on a plotline because honestly - it's not important!) Thorin and I go from "mild-annoyances-to-lovers", with us sharing our first kiss when the company finds safety at Beorn's home, things getting rocky once he falls under Dragon Sickness and Erebor is under siege, and I save his life during BOTFA, and all is well. Or,,, not well, as he has all of his survivor's guilt and suicidal ideation, but we work together and push through it. I'm talking a whole lot of wound care and a whole LOT of pining despite the fact that we're in a relationship by that point. It frustrates him to no end that he has to be taken care of in his weakest state, but it's made bearable by the fact that it's me, someone who he would do this for a thousand times over if our positions were reversed (and don't worry, he gets his chances). In "canon", we're married a year after BOTFA is won, so still in Winter, recontextualizing Winter to be a time for celebration instead of grief. The rest of our lives in Erebor are as close to a "happily ever after" as one could get, with us always at the other's beck and call, a whirlind of physical strength and brains .
I'm really, truly, devoted to Thorin. I ship myself with other characters, but he has always been a constant in my life. He exists as a keychain on my backpack, my phone background, my laptop background, a playlist that I used to fall asleep nightly to, so many edits, several works of fanart and an ongoing document with over twenty-thousand words of my love for him. I don't know how that classifies me in fandom spaces or in online selfshipper lingo, but what I do know is that I love him with my whole heart. I believe that somewhere, in some universe where he's real, that he loves me back. Even when I get busy and I don't have the time to write or draw or do anything directly related to him, he still lingers in the back of my mind, because the thought of him and his warmth just brings me so much peace. I'm literally his secret third thing between wife and husband, no one gets him the way I GET HIM. And I mean it! So many people just see him for the "hot rugged angry dwarf" that they see on the screen and don't fucking bother to look beyond that, and it sickens me. They see him as some hulky, domineering alpha type of guy (coined the "mister fuck" phenomenon) and couldn't care less about the fact that he's actually someone who needs to be held and treated gently. Everyone and their mother draws him as some six pack looking freak when we should all know that he is built to survive a harsh winter, be serious for JUST one moment. None of them care, but I do.
Thorin and I better each other. Fives and Eights bring what the other doesn't have to the table, when they're healthy. An Eight brings security of the body and authority to a five who is not entirely comfortable or confident with their own power and autonomy; a Five brings a quiet rationality and the ability to step back before charging headfirst into a plan to an eight who has been taught that they have to fight tooth and nail. Of course, things aren't perfect. We're fundamentally different, especially in the ways we handle conflict. When he's sick, he sees my need to retreat as a plan against him instead of recognizing I need space, and I interpret his pushing forward as an intrusion into my boundaries and an attempt to smoke me out. At a point it gets verbally explosive...but at the end of the day we trust each other, and that's what matters. I'm less tough than he is by a long shot, more sensitive, so while I'm primarily the one getting the brunt of his protectiveness and his strength, he is able to find security in the knowledge that I fully trust and care for him, and that where he goes, I will go. I may not be as tall, or as strong, or as loud, but I am there for him in the quiet, in between the lines of conversation when the matter of politics comes to play, or in the silence of our bedchambers as I hold my hand over his heart. While he's not someone who's going to suddenly be open the second he meets someone, I give Thorin the chance to be vulnerable and met with care, even if he doesn't take the opportunity. By allowing my own walls to fall, and allowing him to see the deepest and darkest parts of me, the parts that are disagreeable and ugly, he knows that I will extend the same hand to him when he's ready. He will be, eventually.

Playlist & Fanart ^^

1. Clocks - Coldplay
2. Third of May/Odaigahara - Fleet Foxes
3. Have You Got It In You? - Imogen Heap
4. Step Owy - Kapela ze wsi Warsawa
5. Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You - Big Thief
6. Hidden Place (live version) - Bjork
7. No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine
8. Carrion - Sea Power
9. Winter Bird - AURORA
10. Frostfall - Jeremy Soule