Hello!!! Hello hai hiiiiii :3 My name is Isolde!!!!!!!
I use he/him pronouns, and am asexual, transgender, and autistic (triple whammy...). I'm a college sophomore who decided that he was finally fed up with the state of the internet andd that in order to truly express himself in a way that mattered and felt genuine, a website was the way to go. I'm still very new to coding! I had a nearly completed site using sadgrl's layout builder, which is a lovely tool, but I realized that I felt bored when working on it BECAUSE there was no true "challenge" as I had what I needed given to me. Now, I've started from scratch with my own site, but I still use my old pages as a reference when building (I find that pulling up pages and inspecting them side-by-side really helps me understand how everything correlates to each other in the sites!) I am very clearly still learning the ins and outs of html and css, but I hope that my work pays off so I can make pretty pages ^-^ Oh, and I have two cats who I love dearly =^.^=
An overview of my interests
I have a broad range of things I love. If I were to put them into the labels of "special interests", (though I don't really use that term - just how I am) I would say my two special interests are music and fantasy media. I am always listening to music. I mean always, and I will listen to literally everything. "Fantasy media" is a very broad term but one that I believe encapsulates what I love well. The things I am most passionate about, after all, are The Witcher(games and books ONLY.), Fromsoft games, LOTR (book trilogy), The Hobbit (Jackson trilogy), and BBC'S Robin Hood, which all fit nicely under that descriptor. I do have other tastes, though. I am a fan of Red Dead Redemption 2, AMC's Interview With The Vampire & The Terror, Inuit Mythology, Disco Elysium, and Antonia Bird's Ravenous (1999)(like, a friend and I pretty much wrote a Ravenous 2 in dms together)
I also keep a comforting rotation of hobbies. Listening to & playing music, obviously, along with creating art, reading, watching tv/movies, gaming, and writing fanfiction are my favorite ways to use up my free time. I can now add website-building to that list! When I was younger, I used to play violin and ride horses.
How I cope with being on the spectrum
My autism really hinders my social abilites...I'm quite good at masking, but it's an exhausting thing to do. Even in spaces that are supposedly neurodivergent-friendly at my school, I still end up feeling disrespected if I dare not to mask!!! I can be the life of the party, I'm very witty and jump ahead of the jokes because I know what people find funny...but then second I get home I quite literally deflate, and you will likely see me curled up at my dorm room desk with my headphones on, listening to a song on repeat. While I'm thankful to have friends who care about me and don't care about that, socializing often feels like some elaborate performance. In a world where autism is either made fun of or seen as a "silly personality trait, yippee" I feel incredibly alienated from my peers and the world around me. Online, I feel free! I take the reins off and run wild - my online friends know this well.
Of course, being autistic isn't just some lifelong suffering session. I'd argue that I have more positive than negative experiences being an autistic person, but that is solely because of how enthusiastic I am about what I love. I can use it as many things - a creative outlet, a conversation starter, a method of safety and comfort from this unfair and unkind world. I wouldn't know where I would be if it weren't for how strongly I connect to music and the natural world. I feel safe around animals. I get along well with dogs, cats, and horses. After a long day, I decompress with music and picking apart every little layer while I dance or sing along. I write thousands of words about my passions, and draw dozens of pictures. This website will be a reflection of that. Paragraphs upon paragraphs of info about what I love. Colorful themes and images, gifs and pictures galore! This website can be a safe haven, and a glimpse into my inner world...inside the horse-bear's brain.
Enneagram
I am an Enneagram 5w4, self-preservation dominant with a sexual blindspot. In terms of cognitive functions, I believe I am TiNe, but I prefer to use the enneagram system as it is what I am more familiar with. Previously, I had mistyped myself as a sx 3, but that is not accurate...at all. I was going through some crazy stuff!
I use enneagram both as a form of personal/character analysis and, at times, a self-help tool. I greatly struggle with understanding how I am perceived, or why I feel what I feel or do what I do, and having enneagram as a tool to look back on has been immensely helpful. I can now easily pick apart my actions and thought patterns and why they are made, and how they relate to who I am as a person. It's very interesting! The 5 type is also said to have "autistic traits", as in withdrawal, anti-social behavior, etc. which makes sense especially when paired with the self-preservation variant, "Castle". I find castle a very fitting name, but if I had the option, I'd call it my...like...wizard tower. Because I'm an evil wizard.
Enneagram is also very useful (in my OPINION.) as a tool for character analysis! One of my favorite things to do is type my favorite characters. I love having a well-structured page that describes them, I can pull parts from the various enneagram pages when I talk about them, and my whole understanding of character is framed primarily through enneagram!
I use enneagram both as a form of personal/character analysis and, at times, a self-help tool. I greatly struggle with understanding how I am perceived, or why I feel what I feel or do what I do, and having enneagram as a tool to look back on has been immensely helpful. I can now easily pick apart my actions and thought patterns and why they are made, and how they relate to who I am as a person. It's very interesting! The 5 type is also said to have "autistic traits", as in withdrawal, anti-social behavior, etc. which makes sense especially when paired with the self-preservation variant, "Castle". I find castle a very fitting name, but if I had the option, I'd call it my...like...wizard tower. Because I'm an evil wizard.
Enneagram is also very useful (in my OPINION.) as a tool for character analysis! One of my favorite things to do is type my favorite characters. I love having a well-structured page that describes them, I can pull parts from the various enneagram pages when I talk about them, and my whole understanding of character is framed primarily through enneagram!